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Bears and Legos and Queens, Oh My

Bears and Legos and Queens, Oh My.
Bears and Legos and Queens, Oh My.
Bears and Legos and Queens, Oh My.

Bears
Last week as I drove to work listening to the news on NPR a very special sponsorship ad came on. I cannot find a audio copy of the ad, otherwise I would post it for the listening pleasure of all my faithful and faithless followers. And I must admit that I desire a copy of the ad for my own perverse projects. You may be asking why all the suspense, why does Bishop Bishop persist in delaying our gratification? Well, my verbal games are apropos. The sponsorship ad was for the Vermont Teddy Bear Company’s 50 Shades of Grey Teddy Bear.

The 50 Shades of Grey Teddy Bear is funny. But what I really loved was that I heard a sponsorship ad for it on NPR. The ad went something like this, “And sponsored by The Vermont Teddy Bear Company’s 50 Shades of Grey Teddy Bear.” I want you to imagine one of those NPR announcers saying those words. It gives me a little a delightful shiver, especially when I imagine David Greene saying those words (though he didn’t, much to my disappointment). Perhaps it is because I am kinky, but I was more than a little stimulated when the serious morning news was followed by a fluffy, furry bit of kitsch.

Legos
I heart crazy quilt juxtapositions. I love the ways that culture smashes and crashes to produce the oddest and sometimes most telling artifacts. A little less than a week later, I came across the 50 Shades of Grey movie trailer remade with Legos, which I think is better than the original.

I actually have read the books. I have an abiding interest in smut. The books are not well written, the main characters are whiny and immature, but there are some stimulating sex scenes for those interesting in S&M. A part of me wants to host a 50 Shades party to screen the movie and shout at it a la Rocky Horror Picture Show, but I am afraid that, unlike Rocky Horror, 50 Shades of Grey will not be elevated by joyful audience participation.

Queens
In April of this year, Beauty’s Kingdom by A. N. Roquelaure (a pen name for Anne Rice) will be released. If you haven’t read the Beauty Trilogy, I will tell you that you have to enjoy the idea of captivity to get pleasure from reading them. Since I was a little girl, I have fantasized about scenes of captivity- people being made to perform sexually in a palace for a room of spectators for the pleasure a somewhat evil Queen (sometimes King). Sometimes I am a captive, sometimes I am the Queen or King. It is kitschy but also hot. So there is a good chance I will read and enjoy this new bit of smut by Anne Rice.

I share all of this because I have notice all sorts of posts about “what is wrong with the relationship in 50 Shades of Grey.” Granted, 50 Shades of Grey should not be used as a model for a healthy S&M relationship. And there are authors who write S&M better. 50 Shades of Grey is sort of horrible, but parts of it are kind of hot in a kitschy sort of way. Sexual fantasy smashes and crashes all sorts of bits of our lives into something compelling but not always nice. A sexual fantasy can be ridiculous, offensive and even kind of stupid, and yet still be potent. At least, mine often are.

And I will be forever grateful for to 50 Shades of Grey and the Vermont Teddy Bear Company for giving me the fantasy of David Greene saying over and over and over again, “And sponsored by The Vermont Teddy Bear Company’s 50 Shades of Grey Teddy Bear.”

Bears and Legos and Queens, Oh My.
Bears and Legos and Queens, Oh My.
Bears and Legos and Queens, Oh My.

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