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Millions from Heaven

Sometimes I long to pull an Oral Roberts, to claim that Jesus is going to suck me up to heaven if I don’t get mega-millions donated to me, I mean to my mission to save the whole wide world and little old you, within in the next month.

I rather like the image of Jesus sucking me up, but that is the sort of comment that will have me writhing in the hell of some dang uptight-no-sense-of-humor-Christian. Ooh, I rather like that image as well, Jesus sucking me up followed by my writhing in some Christian. If hell and Jesus exist, and if Jesus is made in the image of your average fire and brimstone preacher, then I’m going there for sure. Betcha bottom dollar, I will have hell to pay.

I digress. As I was saying, sometimes I want pull an Oral Roberts. But while it is true that more money would help me spread the Good (and Not So Good) Words to a larger cross section of the whole wide world, and that someday, I’d like to cobble together a way for the faithful to donate some cold hard cash in the form of 0’s and 1’s flashing from their online bank accounts to my, I mean my mission’s, online bank account, it also is true that I dream of Oral’s trick when all the nifty things I could do on the cheap to spread the Good (and Not So Good) Words just ain’t getting done because life is full of too many things I think I need to do.

I fantasize about millions from heaven when I feel tired and cranky and overwhelmed by all the tedious little to do’s to do to make this particular dream come true. I envisage telling y’all that the god I may or may not believe in wants y’all to send me enough money to fill up my bathtub (ooh, that is another enticing image, me in a bathtub full of money that y’all have all touched), not because I need that much money to do what I’ve got to do, but because I want it to be easier than it is. I do not want to have to work so hard to find the time and energy to do the work that this extravagant (e)missionary movement requires. Of course, more money would help, but it cannot take away all the real world vexations stirred up when I attempt to (wo)manifest my dreams in a world constrained by material conditions.

There are times to shake the money tree. We should shake the shit out of all those corporate capitalists and politicians; we should make sure to spend our money to pay for education and health care and housing and the other basic necessities that ensure that all of us can contribute to our economy, not spend every damn dime bailing out the folks that fucked it all to hell. We should organize and unionize and agitate to make sure folks get paid a living wage.

My challenge to y’all, in this time of real economic trials and tribulations, in a time when some are paying a very high price for the sins of our financial fathers, my challenge to y’all is to suss out the difference between the money that you/we really need to live, hell the money you/we need to thrive, and the money you/we hunger for because y/our daydreams of millions from heaven magically taking all y/our troubles away. It won’t. It can’t.

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