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Filling The Thank Full: Last Sunday of January 2013

Today, I am thankful for the light. It is a a sunny day, but the light is gentle. When I woke up, I looked out of my bedroom across the narrow shadowy hall into the spare room. Light filled the spare room. Light on the white walls, light on the pale worn, wood floor made magic. Later, I stood in the kitchen, waiting for my coffee to brew and stared out the window. The path between my house and my parents’ house is newly laid with chipped up tree from this year’s visit from the tree surgeons. The chippings are various shades of brown and white and golden beige with hints of greenery. And the sunlight shined on a patch of the chippings, intesifing the colors. Now I sit in my living room, finishing up the last sips of my second cup of coffee, the curtains open wide and the light softly fills the room. Sunlight is a blessing.

Counting my blessings, noting the beauty of this world of wonder and woe, helps.

All weekend I have been stuck. I have been both restless- wishing to do something- and lacking the desire/ability to do any particular thing. Yesterday, I wanted to go to a goofy movie and yet, I couldn’t go. I wanted and didn’t want at the same time. This contradictory state is one I know well. I am thankful it is a not as bad as it used to be (not that long ago), when I would desperately want to do SOMETHING and be unable to do ANYTHING. It would get so bad that I felt like I wanted to rip off my skin.

It helps that I know that this feeling will pass. It helps that I am able to prod myself to do small things- wash dishes, fold laundry, play endless games of Sudoku. It helps that the feeling is not nearly as intense as it used to be- due in no small part to the hard work I have done on keeping my sleep and eating schedule semi-consistent.

It helps that I am grateful for the sunlight. I notice the way sections of the lamp are highlighted and shadowed. The highlighted section of the dark wood looks white in contrast to the shadowed surfaces. That is how powerful soft sunlight is. The subtle pattern of light and shadow cast on a wall by the sunlight shining through a window. I am thankful that I notice small, subtle shifts. These small, subtle gifts from a enormous, not in the least subtle sphere of “hot plasma interwoven with magnetic fields.

That massive hydrogen ball, millions of miles away, sends shiny and shadowy gifts to all of us. Years ago, I caught one of its small, subtle shifts- a gift of light on a green ball sitting in a patch of grass, which I link below.

Today, be grateful for the light. Look for its gifts of shadow and shine. Fill your thank full of sunlight.

green ball

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